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Guys: Stop saying "We were intimate" to say you had sex!

Updated: Mar 1, 2021

Over the last four and a half years, I have had the opportunity to work with a great organization in St. Louis, MO called FirstLight. I'm happy to serve as a volunteer in men's ministry where guys are meeting regularly to pursue holiness in their sexuality. As a result, I hear more often than most I assume, guys talking about when they had sex with their wife. While I have no way of knowing for sure, I'm guessing that 90% of the time or more guys will say something to the affect of: "I was intimate with my wife last night" or "my wife and I were intimate last night" to communicate that they had sex. I'm betting women communicate similar to this as well.


When I hear that, it almost always makes me shake my head. A majority of the time I now lovingly but purposefully respond with something like this: "Wow, why do you think you were only intimate last night? It's kind of sad that you and your wife weren't intimate the rest of the week."


See, the sad truth is that today, "sex" and "intimacy" have essentially become synonyms when in reality they are two different things. "Sex" can and often should be a natural result or bi-product of an intimate relationship that exists between a husband and wife. However, sex is absolutely not a requirement of intimacy. I wonder how different things would be if husbands and wives were both pursuing intimacy rather than sex? Guys (and gals), next time you are tempted to say "we were intimate," my hope is that it will be a good reminder to stop and consider just how intimate you have been in your relationship outside of the sexual experience.


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